Racism Prevention 101: Parenting With the Natural Healing Process

Published by vegankid | Filed under 101, Parenting, Taking Action

Written by Sea Ganschow from Listening for a Change
Reprinted with permission

Susan Doyle staffwriter California Daily News wrote an article on how families respond to racism. A question posed by About.com’s Susan Pizarro-Eckert asks the question: How should parents teach their children about racism? Her grandmother prepared her, which she is grateful for, for the inevitable racist environments she might encounter. My response follows:

Children are resilient. They also use a natural healing process such as crying, laughing, trembling or yelling to release the tension of hurts that come in.

I find that when this process is allowed and warmly, relaxedly encouraged when the young person brings it up, it gives them an ability to figure out each new situation which comes their way.

There is a time when a parent needs to step in, and say, go to the school or another parent and talk about any racist behaviors, name calling and such that is coming at their child. They need to stop mistreatment from coming at their child as much as possible. Even if they aren’t able to completely have it stopped, the child sees the parent or adult standing up for them and contradicting the poisonous messages that are being said or acted out. That gives hope and makes a big difference in their life. (It also helps if other people standing around also interrupt the racist behavior, particularly other white people.)

Also, white parents can counsel their children (I teach beginning and advanced levels in this). Racism is not our natural state. No child is born racist. It is a result of misinformation and actual oppression (adultism) that first comes in at a child and so they would normally use the above-mentioned natural healing process to free themselves from the hurt of racist conditioning.

However, well-meaning adults and society usually stop the tension-releasing process and certainly don’t understand that it is necessary in order to retain our human intellingence, flexibility and natural tendency to cooperation and close relationships across any racial or class lines.

Parents can prevent racism by learning to counsel and play with their white young ones and by also co-counseling each other to release the racist conditioning which we all receive growing up in the United States. (some is more subtle than others but even well-intentioned folks get a huge dose.) Racism is merely an infection of the mind.

The natural healing process helps “wash” our minds of misinformation and lets us think for ourselves again.

So, I see it as an important tool for those born into the oppressor role.

For those born in the targeted groups, folks of color in this conversation, the NHP is key also.

When parents use these tools for themselves and then also apply these listening tools with their young ones, the young ones get to release the tension that comes from being mistreated. I would hesitate to point out racial differences until the children are at an age where they actually notice it at all. The book “I’m Chocolate You’re Vanilla” by Margurite A. Wright is excellent for strategies within schools and families and spells out why young people under a certain age don’t think of themselves or their peers in terms of any differences in skin color.

I think that if it came up because someone used racial slurs at the child that first I would firmly say, “Stop” or depending on the safety might say simply, “Shut up that’s not true!”

Later, I would lightly and with a smile (away from the person who did this) say, something like, “Wow honey, that person was confused and had big feelings, didn’t they?” I would simply and briefly explain that some people are confused and think that the color of our skin means we can’t be friends!

I also would say, you know how you get your feelings out with mommy and then you feel much better afterward? Well, no one was able to listen to that person and so they are trying to have a session with us! Then, “How was that for you when they said/did that?” and stay close and delighted with the young person as they relate or simply cry in your arms. This is how they will heal the incident and not carry it with them.

Anyway, the listening tools I teach and which can be found through the Parents Leadership Institute (Patty Wipfler) are wonderful to release the internalizing of racist messages which hurt people of color who are targeted daily by small and large injustices, unthoughtfulnesses and outright hostile racism.

After receiving these slurs and messages it is difficult not to–on some level–take them in and beleive them in a certain way. So the listening exchange helps to unravel the misinformation and mistreatment that comes in and to regain the confidence based on reality.

The reality is all humans are intelligent, powerful, loving and have a natural zest for life (that is before we get hurt and it builds up).

So, as a white woman, I am excited to be using and teaching these simple concepts which are very natural. It is important to me to end racism.

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